Prog Rock Christmas (part two)...
Pink Floyd - Merry Xmas Song.One to ease you in - and a reminder of why drummer Nick Mason was very rarely allowed to do lead vocals:
Keith Emerson - Snowman’s LandHere’s keyboard-wiz Keith Emerson from The Nice with a jaunty Christmas song. It makes me feel like Emerson from the Emerson, Lake & Powell band has thrown a snowball made from fresh yellow snow right into my face, and he’s laughing away while I cry and choke as the freezing piss starts to melt into my mouth. Ugggh.And, do you see what he’s done there? “Snowman’s Land”. It’s like “No Man’s Land”. Who said all these prog musicians were serious, po-faced musos incapable of being (intentionally) funny..? Yeah, you're right, that play on words isn’t funny though. Must try harder, Keith Emerson from the prog supergroups ELP and 3.
Queensrÿche - White ChristmasThis is one to ruin your day, Queensrÿche’s cover of White Christmas. After the 2 minutes and 26 seconds of this have gone by you’ll rather listen to the sound that Mrs Claus makes on Boxing Day when she sees Father Christmas, pissed up on all the brandy he’s drunk at each house, trying to slide down Rudolph's Chimney. And by that I mean fuck Rudolph. In the arse.
Mike Oldfield - In Dulci JubiloApparently, Mike “Tubular Bells” Oldfield’s 1975 single In Dulci Jubilo was actually a pretty big hit. 14 years after it was released, some teacher at my primary school put this on in a class Christmas party much to the confusion of the assembled 10 year olds. One girl made her own dance moves up, although in hindsight she might have been having some kind of fit. Or doing it as a protest. Or maybe Mike “Tubular Bells 2” Oldfield had placed a subliminal message into the song that only she was capable or suggestive enough to pick up?Anyway, whatever she was doing wasn’t clear to us as she never told us, her trusting classmates. We just let her get on with it. I bet she’s dead now or something. I wonder what Mike “Tubular Bells 3” Oldfield would think of that? Not that I’m blaming him.
I’m not. Shut up.
Dies Irae - Silent Night
Queensrÿche - White ChristmasThis is one to ruin your day, Queensrÿche’s cover of White Christmas. After the 2 minutes and 26 seconds of this have gone by you’ll rather listen to the sound that Mrs Claus makes on Boxing Day when she sees Father Christmas, pissed up on all the brandy he’s drunk at each house, trying to slide down Rudolph's Chimney. And by that I mean fuck Rudolph. In the arse.
Mike Oldfield - In Dulci JubiloApparently, Mike “Tubular Bells” Oldfield’s 1975 single In Dulci Jubilo was actually a pretty big hit. 14 years after it was released, some teacher at my primary school put this on in a class Christmas party much to the confusion of the assembled 10 year olds. One girl made her own dance moves up, although in hindsight she might have been having some kind of fit. Or doing it as a protest. Or maybe Mike “Tubular Bells 2” Oldfield had placed a subliminal message into the song that only she was capable or suggestive enough to pick up?Anyway, whatever she was doing wasn’t clear to us as she never told us, her trusting classmates. We just let her get on with it. I bet she’s dead now or something. I wonder what Mike “Tubular Bells 3” Oldfield would think of that? Not that I’m blaming him.
I’m not. Shut up.
Dies Irae - Silent Night
To send you off into Christmas with a traditional hymn, here’s German heavy prog band Dies Irae (not to be confused with the Polish death metal band with the same name...)
...and Happy Christmas you silly bastards.
