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Yes, I know I've written about booze free gigs before.

Patterns in the beautiful surroundings of Manchester's John Rylands library required a different approach to drink free gigs though. There wasn't even a soft drink to be had, which had the effect of leaving me as desiccated as some of the dry old books on the shelves around us by the end.

More importantly, there's the issue of what to do with my hands. I usually strike the classic gig pose – beer in one hand, other hand in the pocket, head bobbing along. No, I'm not going to dance. And if you've seen me dance you'll know why (I may go jumping about down the front if it's a band I really, really like though...).

Hands on the hips just seems a bit Village People, hands on head makes it look like you're recovering at the end of a marathon. A pointing finger catalogue pose is too antisocial, especially if a finger inadvertently goes up someone's nose. Hands down the pants is just too...well, creepy. Especially if you look like you're enjoying it a bit too much.

No booze does have it's advantages though. No gig juice to stand and and get your feet stuck on, no one pushing past precariously trying to carry 4 pints of crappy lager and spilling it over your shoulder. And certainly no one chucking empty glasses over the crowd at the band. Tsk.

Wasn't I supposed to be reviewing a gig? Oh yes. I've seen Patterns a whole bunch of times over the past 18 months and they are getting better and better. The visuals were spot on tonight, new song “Blood” was a stormer, pointing the way to exciting things in the future and set-closer “Induction” is still spine tingling.

But still, hip flask for me next time there's a boozeless gig...

Patterns Facebook page...

The Narrows Bandcamp page. Go here. Listen. Buy.

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I have wasted your time.

I have wasted your time because the joke in the picture ONLY WORKS IF THE BAND WAS CALLED PEEKING LIGHTS. But they are not. They are called PEAKING Lights.

So, as I said, I have wasted your time.

I'm sorry.

Anyways, Peaking Lights. You can read Peter Rea's review on Silent Radio here for an excellent description of the gig...in a minute...wait...come back...I haven't finished here...

What you should also know is this:

- Peaking Lights were brilliant, despite some VERY abrupt endings.
- A man who had really bad wind stood in front of me briefly but then disappeared. Hopefully to change his trousers.
-  One really annoying bloke pulled out his best Bez on Diazapam dance moves and sucked his cheeks in so far his face was almost inside out.

I'd well recommend checking out Hookworms too, they were great. Like a psych bastard offspring of the Stooges and The Fall crossed with the sound of two tramps fighting over the last bottle of White Ace.

Peaking Lights

Hookworms

I'm putting this up a month late because I've been really busy trying to write the 1st draft of a novel.
Excuses, excuses, I know. Anyways, the gig was brilliant and you can read a lot of good reviews about it elsewhere. Like here for instance.

Now, I have never managed to do a wee that smells like Ready Brek. But when I sneaked off for a mid-set slash another bloke followed me into the toilets and proceeded to do just that. Suppose it's better than the smell asparagus wee makes. But still as off-putting.

(For younger readers, that is the Ready Brek glow around a penis in the picture above. YouTube it).

I felt a bit out of place at The Castle on Tuesday because I forgot to wear a beard like the rest of the men in there.  The view that Sic Alps must have had form the stage would have been very much like my picture above.

This is how I remember Friday night's It's Miller Time Live gig at the Band on Wall happening. Maybe you were there and you think you remember differently?  Well, you're wrong.  This is EXACTLY how things went down.

Anyway, despite what disagreements you and I might have about what did and didn't happen you must concur that, acoustic or not, 'Trash' by The Whip is an amazing song.

Look out for upcoming events on the Band on the Wall website

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Wolf People.  I bloody love Wolf People.  And I could see the stage when Wolf People were on. 

Unfortunately the picture pretty accurately portrays all I could see as soon as Tame Impala came on.  It was rammed, and I watched the back of Adam from Mythbusters* head and his banal text messages for the entire gig.  At least that was when I wasn't being hugged by a man who told me he’d come all the way from Australia for the gig, and listening to a group of teenage Bieber fans shouting how much they loved each band member.

(*It wasn't him really. Or was it..?)

Still, I enjoyed it very much, although because I am now a grumpy old man I preferred the longer psychedelic instrumental bits rather than the songs with vocals.

Go and watch a video of one of the set highlights. Not made by me, obviously, otherwise it'd just be a video of what some ginger beardy bloke was texting to his mates.